Slice of Life- Bullies

Sticks and stones may break my bones...but words will never hurt me.

I've been giving this old adage a lot thought lately. I know as children, we were taught this little phrase as a way to help soften the pain of hurtful words from other kids. And as a little one, it was comforting to hang on to the phrase as a kind of bullet proof vest, as I braced myself against the hurtful words kids sometime spoke. But the old adage is a lie and not Kevlar, but a flimsy temporary band-aid to the harsh truth that words have tremendous capacity to hurt. A reality we are protected against during childhood with this euphemism, but that we are painfully aware of from the first time we come home crying from school over something that was said.

Sure kids can be bullies, but the reality behind the child bully is that their parents are the ones teaching this negativity to them. Either by how they treat their kids or how they treat others. Bottom line, kids learn behaviors from their parents. School's have created these zero tolerance policies for bullying, but what about the bully behind the child bully. I have zero tolerance for bullies and I'm not just talking about the child bully. The true bully is the adult who continues a pattern of bad behavior, who uses hateful and hurtful words to manipulate small defenseless children who just need love, praise and guidance. To stop the cycle of bullying, we need to stop the adult bully.  

I know a few adult bullies (not by choice) and I make it a point to have very little interaction with these people. They are not friends, but people I have to interact with from time to time and I feel terrible every time I am around them. There is something completely soul crushing to be around bullies. Their actions and words they speak are rooted in suspicion, hatred, lies and manipulation. It's a disgusting state to live in and I'll admit that any brief interaction creates disruption to my soul. It takes me awhile to recover from the lingering sense of negativity surrounding bullies.

But even more troubling is the ease in which the bully manipulates others with hatred. The bully can rally support easily. I witnessed a group of adults gather to seemingly support a common cause, but it was undeniable that what they were supporting was hatred. Only they were blind to the hatred they were advocating. The blind mob mentality was shocking as they all fell in line, none of them questioning the validity of the claim they so vehemently and righteously supported. Sadly, hate is a powerful motivator and seems to be the operational foundation for bullies. I know that hatred cannot be cured with truth when truth is not important, or more to the point, hatred is inevitable when you choose to be ignorant. 
But all is not lost...I do believe once the potency of hatred fades and the foundation of lies start to crumble under the character flaws of the bully, truth will prevail.

My final thoughts about this...Do I feel sorry for the adult bullies who most likely were also the victim of bullying from their parents?

No way! As an adult it is our job to grow up, overcome our own damage and take care of our children and be the kind of adult that our kids can look up to. Be kind and gentle to our kids, ourselves and others around us and be a role model for what happiness looks like. If we don't learn to be functioning, happy adults or if we don't have the strength or tools to overcome our own damage, it is our responsibility to get professional help or don't have kids or both!